piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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