well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
