Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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