theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Im part way to drunk.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
