a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
