You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You're earring is so big in my mouth
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
