Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
