I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
