Swine flu. Run for my life!
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
