Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
