I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
