Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Pants are for mortals
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
