What did we do last night that was yellow?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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