did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
