hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize