Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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