i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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