How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
