what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize