i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
