just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
