What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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