Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
