i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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