the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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