This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize