i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
