In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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