i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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