I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He better not be in your backpack
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
