Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
