I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
