I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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