I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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