he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i will never coherently bang her
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
