everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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