I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
