so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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