why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
