I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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