im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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