Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
