i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
