actually, I'm a sock model
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
