I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
