You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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