I can text with my tongue
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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