ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I donβt know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
Iβm looking forward to few days of international relations
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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