Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
