I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
