She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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