it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
