Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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