I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
