I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
