My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
