I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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