at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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