I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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