I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
There r osticjed everywhere
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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