I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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