No awkward lesbian experiences without me
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
