normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
