I'm drive I can fine osifer
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
