: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
