Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
