Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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