she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize