i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
