theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
