and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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