R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
