Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I think your dad took our porno
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
