i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
