It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
