Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize