actually, I'm a sock model
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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