I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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