bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
