Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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