sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
