also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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