at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
