i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
