she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
