I want to make a zoo with you.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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