i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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